Fuck Yeah Cute Trans Chicks

Yet again I am not surprised by the blatant hatred towards anyone who does not fit the mold of what it means to be trans in this mediocre world.  I uploaded a pic to Fuck Yeah Cute Trans Chicks and surprise, surprise it hasn't been approved.  

Something else

I have come to another conclusion.  People are ashamed to be seen with me. On several occasions I have invited friends to hang out with me public and the answer to that invitation is no.  It is always no.  If had I  dollar for every no answer I would be a rich woman.  For another when I have joined people I know I am told pretty quickly to make myself scarce just in case the wider world gets to see me with them.

I have always been made to feel like I am not wanted. It is my place in society and place that I have gotten used to.

Having Transgender Identity

I recently was involved in a discussion with some friends. I made the comment that my identity was neither accepted by other transpeople or acknowledged as a genuine identity, and that other transpeople had more privilege than me.

The response was there was no transgender privilege, but by the silence of those around they seemed to accept the idea that my identity as a transperson was not genuine.

This may have something to do with the fact that I have mental illness and that most people including queer people find the idea of associating with someone who mentally ill something to avoided.

A Comment on a Presentation

Yesterday I was at Uni, watching a presentation of graduate students. One gave a presentation on Transsexuals, it was interesting, but I felt it dismissed the identities of transsexual people. As if transitioning is somehow a response to heteronormalcy, yet to transition is an act of agency.  When people find out you are a transsexual they stop seeing as your preferred gender and only see your birth gender. 
To be a transsexual makes every sexual act political. Also I think the presenter could have used Julia Serano's Cocky as an example rather than a drag queen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a95JP8i8GuE

Why is it

Why is it that everyone else on this miserable planet is allowed to have a sexual orientation but me?

Why is it that everyone is allowed to look for love or a relationship but me?

Why is it when I defend my life I am treated like an animal?

Why is it that people are so invested in making sure that my life is under their control?

Why should I take exception to being called a sexual predator?

McDonalds beating

We all feel outraged of this act that no one did anything to help the woman beaten. Yet we as society are guilty as much as the perpetrators, because we don't want to know,we abandon those we don't like, those we don't know to their fates. because they are the stranger, the weirdo, the whatever they are. before this event we didn't know the victim and we didn't care about the victim and we will always turn away because we don't want to know.

We are as much cowards as anyone else, but don't wan to see it. We the perpetrators to face the full force of the law yet we won't take responsibility for the society that we have created that leads to such events

Gender

Last week I was messaging someone on Pink Sofa. It was going well and she wanted to meet.  I gave her my email and cellphone number, and didn't think much of it.  On tuesday she rang me up on a withheld number and asked to speak to me. On the telephone I sound rather masculine. I said I was me and she said she thought I should have an accent, as I was apparently Turkish. 

She then wanted to know if the picture of me is a real picture of me.  I managed to convince her wasn't turkish and that the pictures were real.  She then asked if I was male, I replied I used to be and started saying I should be honest and deceive people. 

Its not like transpeople ever get killed because they disclose to the wrong person. Oh ... they do.

Hi

This is my first post on my blog. It will document my ongoing battle with depression and trying to seek help for it.


On monday the 11th April I had an assessment for my mental health.  It was a 30-40 minute interview where something happened but not me, even though I was there.  Firstly they wanted to know about my transition as if that was a major or only reason for my depression.  The two other people there talked about variety of things including a drug  and cbt. At least they talked about, not that I was involved. Indeed I could have walked out gone to the toilet and come back and nothing would have changed.

When I left the building, I felt it had been a waste of time. To the best of my knowledge something had been decided but I didn't need to know.

I then went home and wondering what was point. Over rest of the week I tried to find what going on. I was told that, after 3 calls my doctor and counselor would be told and that I didn't need to be concerned.

I then felt that I was on the edge of an episode and friday that episode arrived. I then rang them up requesting another assessment. I was told the people I dealt with in the monday assessment would contact me. which I replied they aren't listening to me.  To that there was no answer and I had to wait.  Well I couldn't as my episode have arrived and I ended up threatening to end my life unless they took me seriously.

Apparently the did and I now I have new assessment on monday